Motherhood is a beautiful journey, but for many of us, it comes with an unspoken expectation: sacrifice everything for your children. This mindset, often passed down through generations, can leave mothers feeling depleted, resentful, and disconnected from their own dreams. In this episode of INHABIT with Alessia Citro, I had the privilege of speaking with Dr. Emily Jacobs, a former nurse turned leadership coach and founder of Empowered Moms. Together, we explored how to break the cycle of motherhood martyrdom and reclaim our dreams without guilt.

The Motherhood Martyrdom Cycle: What It Is and Why It’s Harmful

Growing up, Dr. Emily Jacobs witnessed her own mother sacrifice her dreams for the sake of her children. While her mother’s dedication was admirable, it came with a cost: bitterness, resentment, and a sense of unfulfilled potential. Emily shared how this dynamic shaped her own approach to motherhood and inspired her mission to help other moms break free from this cycle.

As Emily explained, the martyrdom mindset often sounds like this:

• “I gave up my life for my kids.”
• “My children come first, no matter what.”
• “I can’t pursue my dreams because I’m a mom now.”

While these beliefs may seem noble, they can lead to burnout, resentment, and even strained relationships with our children. Emily’s message is clear: dreams don’t have to die with motherhood.

Reclaiming Your Dreams: Lessons from Dr. Emily Jacobs

Emily’s journey from a doctorate-level nurse to a leadership coach and author is a testament to the power of pursuing your passions—even as a mom. Here are some of the key lessons she shared during our conversation:

1. Your Kids Are Watching You

One of the most powerful moments in Emily’s story was when she realized her daughters were watching her every move. “They’re modeling me,” she said. “If I’m overwhelmed and frustrated, they’ll think that’s normal. But if I show them that I can pursue my dreams and still be a great mom, they’ll learn that they can do the same.”

2. It’s Okay to Go First

Pursuing your dreams can feel scary, especially when it means stepping outside of societal expectations. But as Emily reminded us, “It’s okay to go first.” By taking the leap, you’re not only creating a life you love—you’re also paving the way for other moms to do the same.

3. Apologies Are Powerful

Emily and I discussed how our parents’ generation rarely apologized to their children, viewing it as a sign of weakness. But as modern moms, we have the opportunity to break that cycle. A heartfelt apology can teach our kids that it’s okay to make mistakes and that relationships are built on mutual respect.

4. Set Boundaries with Love

Whether it’s saying no to yet another birthday party or carving out time for your own passions, setting boundaries is essential. Emily shared how she’s learned to prioritize her energy and say no when necessary—without guilt. “It’s not about pleasing everyone,” she said. “It’s about being intentional with your time and energy.”

Breaking the Cycle: Practical Tips for Moms

If you’re ready to break the motherhood martyrdom cycle, here are some practical steps to get started:

• Reconnect with Your Inner Child: Emily encouraged us to think about ourselves at age seven. What did you love to do? What made you feel alive? Reconnecting with that version of yourself can help you rediscover your passions.
• Communicate with Your Kids: Be honest with your children about your needs and dreams. Let them see you pursuing your passions—it’s one of the greatest gifts you can give them.
• Create a Support System: Surround yourself with other moms who are also dreaming big. Emily’s community, Empowered Moms, is a great example of how powerful it can be to have a network of like-minded women.
• Start Small: You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. Start with small, consistent actions that align with your goals. As Emily said, “Progress is better than nothing.”

Key Takeaways from the Episode

Here are some of the most impactful insights from my conversation with Dr. Emily Jacobs:

• Dreams don’t have to die with motherhood. You can be a great mom and still pursue your passions.
• Your kids are watching you. Show them what it looks like to live a fulfilling, balanced life.
• Set boundaries with love. It’s okay to say no and prioritize your own needs.
• Apologies matter. Acknowledging your mistakes can strengthen your relationship with your children.
• Reconnect with your inner child. Remember what made you happy before life got so busy.

A Call to Action: Join the Movement

If this conversation resonated with you, I encourage you to take the first step toward breaking the motherhood martyrdom cycle. Whether it’s signing up for a class, starting a side hustle, or simply taking 30 minutes for yourself each day, know that you are worthy of a life you love. You can listen to the full episode on Apple Podcasts or on Spotify.

To connect with Dr. Emily Jacobs and learn more about her work, visit Empowered Moms or follow her on Instagram at @dremilyjacobs. And if you’re ready to take your journey to the next level, consider attending her annual event in Michigan in October—it’s a life-changing experience you won’t want to miss.

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